i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize