I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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