my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
