I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
