So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize