im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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