so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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