if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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