Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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