he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
