Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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