Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
