to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
