I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
