dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
