On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize