I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
