i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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