textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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