put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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