some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
