So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
