Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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