My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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