In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Damn victory sex feels great
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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