just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
