Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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