I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
