Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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