why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
