i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
