perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
