Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
