did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
