yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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