Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
