Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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