You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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