Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize