Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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