So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
