We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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