I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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