I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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