I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I touched a dick in church today
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
