you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
