So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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