That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
