I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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