do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize