Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
