a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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