I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
