I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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