i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
