last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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