am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize