Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
