My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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