She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
