so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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