hotel room ftw
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
