Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
