I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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