hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
