Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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