And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
