I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
