Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
