saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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