hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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