I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
