I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
