i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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