I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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