The maid of honor just puked.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
