Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
