Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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