I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
