I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
