guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
