The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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