its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
