he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
