I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
