Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize