my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
