had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
