Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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