you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
