we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
