I didn't shave. On purpose
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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