Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
