I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
