I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
