The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
