she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
