I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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